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Showing posts from 2014

Hope

Hope is such a gift.


 Where would any of us be without hope? How many stories have we heard of someone who took their own life. It's not because they were trying to be selfish, as many would say suicide is a selfish act. When someone thinks about ending it all to the point of taking their own life its because they were hopeless. They felt like there was nothing to hold onto, no possibilities that were full of hope.

What about in marriage...when two people seek divorce? It means there was no hope. Not in the way of it just didn't have what it takes or it cant possibly work....but because no one was holding onto hope. The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him, says Lamentations 3:33.

The bible is full of verses of hope. Hebrews 6:19 tells us that "we have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure". Wow, in just one verse I can see the power of hope. An anchor for the soul. What does an anchor do? Wikipedia says "an anchor i…

Friends

How good it is to have good friends. As a mother, we tend to not have much time for friends as we are putting so much time into work, family, soccer practice, cleaning a house, etc. But I think that's when we really need to carve the time for friends. Making friends in the good times of life, share a laugh, a cup of coffee, an invite for dinner.
Since I was young never developed many friendships. I was always the outcast of the popular group yet didn't fit in with the "outcast" outcast (I apologize, thinking in like teenager terms here). I was the rainy day friend I would say. I was only the person who would get called if it didn't work out to make plans with everyone else. I also moved a lot. ALOT! No, family was not military, we just moved every time the lease was up. It was hard to keep friends if I even made any. I also had been picked on, and bullied a lot from grade school - my freshman year of high school. And when you move all the time, yet every school y…

My experience with miscarriage, one year ago today.

This is not for the weak hearted or weak stomached.


One year ago tonight, I experienced the worst pain and suffering. The agony of loss. It was just 3-4 weeks before that I was going to my 12 week prenatal visit and I was excited to hear my baby's heart beat at that appointment. However the Doppler wasn't picking up a beat so they used an ultrasound. When I looked at the screen I thought three things: shouldn't my baby be bigger by now, why isn't it moving around, and did I see two heads? The doctor told me with as much sympathy as possible that she was 90% sure that I had miscarried, she said she couldn't find the heartbeat. She asked to me to come back after the weekend to check again. I was immediately sobbing and crushed. This had never happened to me... I've had 4 healthy babies and pregnancies.... Why have I been so sick with morning sickness then... This can't be real....
I asked my pastors and a couple family members to pray with me that God would mak…

God is my helper

I think every mom has wished she had a clone to help her get all the things done in a day that there is to do. I certainly have, and that was before my husband and I became separated and my teenage son decided to try living with his biological dad. There is so much to do and so many to take care of and not enough of me. I don't even know how I am functioning most of the time. So not only is there what I was usually responsible for, but now the chores my eldest son took care of and the ones my husband did around the yard or fixing something or just helping me with the kids and stuff around the house when he was home, all while I was pregnant and now currently with my daughter who is 6 weeks old. I feel like the one man show lately and I don't know how the plates are still spinning. I know it must be His strength and grace helping me and remembering the promises He has for me that keeps me going.

First off, does anyone else feel like their day revolves around food or is it just a…

Reconciliation

My marriage has struggled over the years. Let's face it , relationships are hard; 2 different people, with different backgrounds, different beliefs, different baggage and wounds that are in process of being healed. The bible says when 2 people get married they become one, so literally imagine the visual of 2 separate people pressing into each other becoming one. It looks like it would hurt. However, we are called to love.  Love is something we can't do unless we are loved first. You know the saying that goes,  " you can't love someone else unless you love yourself first"? That has truth in it. The bible says in 1 john 4:19 "we love because he first loved us." When we recognize the depths of His love for us it empowers us to love in return. When people are hurting in an area they can hurt others, intentionally or not. It is love that covers a multitude of sins, love that never fails. Love is also patient and kind, it endures and bears all things, it doesn…

A New Day

Each day I awake, I come down the stairs and into the kitchen to turn the coffee pot on that I had pre set the night before. My kitchen has a window above the sink that faces a field with hills behind it and where the sun rises from behind the hills. It's a breathtaking view every morning. This is one picture captured out of the many I've tried to take to preserve a moment of beauty but usually my iPhone camera can't do it justice.
Each day is really a new beginning. A new day of chances. A new day full of grace and mercies. A new day that brings hope. A new day that brings life. It's also a symbol to us. A new day full of mercies and forgiveness. A new day full of hope and life and not yesterday's pains.  A fresh start. It shows His faithfulness each day the sun comes up.

Psalms 5:3
In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.

The end of homeschool

I began homeschooling years ago, when my oldest child started 3rd grade. Since then I've had quite a few more children and so naturally they've been home their entire lives and also homeschooled. This is the first year that I was not homeschooling my oldest (13) since he also is living with his father recently. This was also the first legal year for homeschool for my next oldest child (6 yo,1st grade). This has been an extremely difficult season being separated from my husband of 7 years, just having a new baby, and unable to work to support us but searching out all possibilities, taking care of our 2 year old, 4 year old, and trying to do school with the 6 year old. I'm stretched to thin. I am trying to find work or ways of supporting myself and children and it difficult when you have a baby who isn't even 6 weeks old , never mind that I priced childcare for 3 children, for a week, at an average of $450.00. How do I even make that much? Of course I am also nursing and…

Psalm 43:5

I was watching Doug Addison's webcast where he was releasing a prophetic word for the month of October. I have followed his webcasts off and on for years and also subscribe to his daily prophetic words. They are always right on in my life so I know that he is hearing from God. Listed on the video was a title and that alone was exciting to me as it read that October is a month of "reconciliation from heaven".
My family needs heavenly reconciliation as there is so much separation and heartbreak that has been happening. My oldest son is going through some confusion and has chose to live with his biological dad recently and my husband and I are going through a legal separation. Both of which have been extremely difficult and heartbreaking. I could never explain the turmoil that has been happening but I keep praying for this storm to end and for peace that surpasses all understanding and for joy to be abundant in our lives and for healing, reconciliation and unity to prevail…

Sky Full of Stars

Thinking of the promise given to Abram... Imagine looking at all those stars... Almost 100 years old, feeling the weight of age, youth and vitality stripped from your body... The glaring awareness of impossibility... The screeching in your ears of time past by... The seeds that had been building yet never planted and now regret and disappointment has replaced the seeds that once held the hope life...you remind your creator how you're childless and there is no heir to your estate as your time is drawing near...and Now picture the sky full of those stars and never being able to count them all and God assuring you that your offspring will be as numerous as there are stars...  The bible says Abram believed Him!  Wow! Just like that, despite the reality that had been staring him in the face, the harsh circumstance he was in... Abraham just believed Him.  The story continues... Abram asks "how will I know this will happen"? 
God makes a covenant with him. Years later Still no proo…

How do you do it?

Many people ask me "How do you do it?""I don't know" is usually my first answer followed by "one day at a time". Honestly, when it comes to raising my children,  I do know that it was put on my heart to have each of them and I love each of them very much. But yes there are many days I raise the question myself and have wondered if I'm just plain crazy. Believe me,  I am not a supermom, nor do I ever pretend to be. I have so many downfalls and weaknesses. I don't get everything done everyday. My list of what I'd like to do is always longer than what actually gets done. NO, I do not have a lot of patience (as everyone seems to think I must), quite the contrary! I think it is one of the hardest things to learn and get self control and believe me, I daily feel like I'm failing at it. I need to remind myself of

2 Corinthians 12:9
 "My grace is sufficient for you, but my power is made perfect in weakness".

Thank God for that. His grac…

another homeschool year begins

Another year of homeschooling has begun, but this year things are a bit different for us. I am not homeschooling my 13 year old for the first time this year, since I  started homeschooling him at 8 years old (3rd-7th grade), he is attending public school. I am homeschooling my 6 year old, first grader, who is now at the "legally need to report it age" and I have a pre school age boy and a toddler who are as well but not in that legal sense.
This is a fun age to be homeschooling because so much of my type of schooling revolves around PLAY! I have always believed that it is a child's job to play, and that play is the best way for a child to learn and experience life.I guess many would consider us as "unschoolers" but I don't have a label for our style. With my oldest son, I used some formal curriculum depending on the subject and what it seemed like both he and I needed. There are assignments given but usually a longer time frame to get it done than say a pub…

A New Mommy...Again

I am a new mommy again. My first daughter, in a house full of boys, is two weeks old. I am  so in love. She has totally captured my heart and I'm excited for all that I will be able to pour into her about her identity as a daughter of the King of Kings as she grows. I am looking forward to all those moments a woman thinks of doing with her daughter: painting nails, doing her hair, a friend to go shopping with... but also the moments that are much further down the road, like being a big part of her wedding day, being the one she'll call when she needs advice, and having a chance to be at her side when she is having a baby. Daughters are very different from sons. But for now, I am just enjoying these precious fleeting moments. I learned early on, in being a mother, to never wish away your child's life with " I can't wait fors" because each stage comes and goes so quickly. Enjoy the moment of here and now, no matter what stage. I personally am enjoying this fres…