Skip to main content

Sharing time can hurt.

A word of caution and understanding.
Please take the time to read my heart. You've perhaps been on one of these sides.
Do you know how many times I've been asked "where are your kids" when seen without them?
To which my response is, "they're with their dad today/this weekend".
OK, NO BIG DEAL, right. But then comes the dreaded comments... "Wow,that must be so nice" or "aren't you lucky", "oh,what I would do with free time", and other comments in which I force a smile to save embarrassing you as I can see it probably comes from a bit of exhaustion and having a lot on your plate with a tad bit of jealousy.
Let me be straight with you.
I am not having it easier than you!
My new season of my children having time with their father is NOT me living up a life that looks like freedom in comparison.
It hurts! I honestly hurt that I now have to share time and days with their parent because of a divorce.

Like today for instance: It's my daughter,Promise's birthday. It's her weekend with dad. I'll see her at dinner time on a Sunday night before schools starts. It hurts to not wake her up today and cuddling her as I sing "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" in a sing song voice and make her a birthday breakfast with perhaps a party in afternoon.

Do you know what a divorce looks like? Do you know how much pain comes with it? Do you know how much it can drastically turn everyone involved lives upside down? Do you know how many times I've cried because my children were away because seeing their father can only happen separately from when their with mom? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to co parent? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to have to let go of so much? Do you know how much guilt hits you over and over that you have to throw down in order to live for the day!? Do you know how much finances are affected, it's not like I'm recently living up a life of traveling.
Do you know how many events or holidays or birthdays come up that I can't share with my children anymore?
It's been a long road, and unfortunately it's going to be an even longer road than I've walked already.
As of this week our schedule has changed more with sharing time with our children. Which means I see them even less. Now add on that school is starting tomorrow and it robs me of more time to be with some of them. It's a sting that may never go away for a mom who loves her children and love equals time for me, my love language is quality time! Counting on the calendar and seeing how many days a month they are with me and then their dad may seem equal time for each but that means I can see half a month glaring at me that I won't get to see them (my 4 younger ones), my oldest now that summer is ending ... Even less.

That means when you see me without my children, I'm hurting on the inside while coping on the outside. It means I've had to learn how to let go of so much in order to breath and function.
It usually means when they're not with me I'm trying to fit work in (hard to do around that schedule), catch up with a mountain of housework/errands, or spending time with my teenage son or Leslie's daughters,etc ...because I want my time I do get with them to be that of QUALITY. It means that I less frequently take time with my children for granted.
This is difficult on the children too.
I never brought my children into the world thinking this would be what life looks like. It seems like divorce wouldn't be as hard if the children were all much older instead. But that's not our reality.
But I have to focus on the time I am given.
So please instead of commenting about what you see as my new found freedom, just say "you're doing great momma", "man I love your kids too", "I know you can't wait to see them again", or something else that shows empathy or encouragement.
That is all.


Popular posts from this blog

Though I may say "my children", they are not my possession.

I have been debating sharing a recent journal entry and decided I just had too. If you have been through a divorce or started a blended family, this will be familiar yet I believe challenging when you read on. It is my hope that everyone who reads will gain and understanding and a greater capacity to love and accept, to understand that hurts also help us grow, and there is beauty in storms of life.

5/16/17 A journal could never contain all of my thoughts, feelings, and experiences. But wanted to take some time this early morning...
Yesterday was Chosen's 5th birthday and Jared's (turning 9) piano recital was also last night. I invited their father and his new wife, their "bonus mom", and their grandmother from his side also came along. We have such a large blended family, but we make it all work for the kiddos (and our own peace). I knew the children were going to be excited to see them, especially because they've been with me and my husband for the last handful of …

70+ Promises/Scriptures to declare, speak over yourself and pray.

There are over 3,000 promises in the bible God has declared for us.
So much about who we are and what He has for us can be found there. I've been through so many trials over a number of years,  and without learning about who He says I am and what some of His plans are for me, I may not have made it so far and still have a positive view.
Even though storms may be around still, I have to train my mind to be obedient to truth.
Here are some scriptual declarations that I pray over myself, and pray for others, or speak out loud as soon as I have a thought or feeling that is negative or the opposite.
I encourage you to seek them out in the bible as well.

I am a child of God.
He is for me, who can be against me?
He ,who is in me, is greater than he who is in the world.
I am the head and not the tail.
I am above and not beneath
I am a saint, not a sinner.
I am righteous by faith.
I am seated in heavenly places.
He lifts me up out of the miry clay and sets me upon His rock.
He is my refuge…

My experience with miscarriage, one year ago today.

This is not for the weak hearted or weak stomached.

One year ago tonight, I experienced the worst pain and suffering. The agony of loss. It was just 3-4 weeks before that I was going to my 12 week prenatal visit and I was excited to hear my baby's heart beat at that appointment. However the Doppler wasn't picking up a beat so they used an ultrasound. When I looked at the screen I thought three things: shouldn't my baby be bigger by now, why isn't it moving around, and did I see two heads? The doctor told me with as much sympathy as possible that she was 90% sure that I had miscarried, she said she couldn't find the heartbeat. She asked to me to come back after the weekend to check again. I was immediately sobbing and crushed. This had never happened to me... I've had 4 healthy babies and pregnancies.... Why have I been so sick with morning sickness then... This can't be real....
I asked my pastors and a couple family members to pray with me that God would mak…