Reconciliation

My marriage has struggled over the years. Let's face it , relationships are hard; 2 different people, with different backgrounds, different beliefs, different baggage and wounds that are in process of being healed. The bible says when 2 people get married they become one, so literally imagine the visual of 2 separate people pressing into each other becoming one. It looks like it would hurt. However, we are called to love. 

Love is something we can't do unless we are loved first. You know the saying that goes,  " you can't love someone else unless you love yourself first"? That has truth in it. The bible says in 1 john 4:19 "we love because he first loved us." When we recognize the depths of His love for us it empowers us to love in return. When people are hurting in an area they can hurt others, intentionally or not. It is love that covers a multitude of sins, love that never fails. Love is also patient and kind, it endures and bears all things, it doesn't keep record of wrongs, it rejoices in truth... We are able to do that the more we recognize it is done for us by Jesus. This kind of love is the agape kind of love. The unconditional love God has for us and is required in a marriage especially. Not phileo love (a brotherly love), not Eros love (a lustful kind of love). An intense, grace filled, unconditional agape love. I'm learning how to love in that way daily because daily I can see how God has loved me that way. I have made many mistakes along the way and have caused hurt, as anyone can. And in a marriage it always takes two. I have been hurt a lot over these years myself, and have forgiven much. It takes both people to be good forgivers. When people are in conflict we have our valid reasons in pain and anger and offense and act out of it. What I'm learning is that acting out of that causes more pain and hurt and anger. And to instead think about how Christ may respond in a situation or to extend love and grace in an area that someone needs. It is better to walk away and say nothing at all instead of something you may regret. I believe forgiveness and love empowers and heals. Someone once asked Jesus how many times we should forgive someone and He responded "70 times 7", I guess He knew we would make a lot of mistakes along the way. We were made for relationships, no matter how hard they can be. God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit are 3 in 1: relational, before all of creation existed a relationship.

So it can be done. But no matter what, it takes two people in a marriage. Two people willing to forgive, two people who commit to unconditional love, two people who recognize and admit their mistakes and work towards the goals of agape love and connection. I can recognize where I have fault but unless the other half is willing to forgive and extend love then what can you do? And the other half needs to recognize the same. Been praying for reconciliation.